i am not forgotten...

this weekend i painted, and painted, oh, and painted....when i finished painting i put together 4 really large bookcases and unpacked my extensive library...as i unpacked, i reflected, purged and was humbled to find a journal from 1993.
i browsed through the pages, reading the truths the Lord had graciously showed me and i found an entry that actually summed up my life in present day...
"child, you are not forgotten" the words that were poured out on me that particular day came flooding back, and with new meaning they rejoined my spirit. in the last few years i feel i have floundered...not in a backsliding way but in a way that can only be described as "loss"
is it possible to lose the dreams you once had, the talents you were once given, the passion you thought would carry you? i say undeniably, yes...
those of you that know me that i'm one of those sickeningly fortunate people to which things come easily - abilities are natural and to that my downfall. when you can do it all you don't necessarily need to depend on anyone; when you think you are capable and able, you don't have need for help. it is only in dependence that comes independence however.

as i sat in worship sunday evening, the words of that journal and the precious song that is my strength today rang over and over - "I am not forgotten, HE knows my name."

i so want my passion back, i so want my talents to be rekindled and the vision i once had for children and ministry to be ignited - but not in my strength, for it will fail me. I know that I have a destiny far greater than my simplistic understanding can grasp. I am encouraged that there is a future bigger than me when I choose to return to first love, not my own abilities.

i am thankful beyond words that I am not forgotten - that He knows my name, He hears my every call, He sees my every tear, and hears me when I call...