the pot at the end of the rainbow...

a while back a friend sent me this photo...the irony at the time was hysterical - i was working out of a beautifully decorated model home, with unfortunately NO running water...each cold winter day i would trek across the barren yard to the the pink "girls only" port-a-potty, just wishing the city would catch up with the pace of the construction in the subdivision and provide us with glorious indoor plumbing. it was only a few short days after this email that my wish was granted but i held onto this photo to remind me of how grateful we should be, but how ungrateful we normally are. there are people on this earth that have never even seen running water, much less a port-o-potty...that we, as americans, seem to be entitled to, or to have right to...

my dad told me a long time ago the only right we have as an employee is the right to quit. my grandpa told me too that you have no right to complain, if you have no solution to the problem yourself. my Heavenly Father also tells me that I gave up all my rights when I chose to follow His Son Jesus...the only right i have is in Him, to take up my cross daily and follow Him, the rest i lay down, mostly willingly, sometimes hesitantly...

I'm glad the rainbow ends right there, it's a constant reminder of how privileged we are and how grateful we should be...

spare tires...

corrie ten boom once asked, "is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?"
i was faced with this question in a literal sense this past weekend...i was driving along enjoying my errands and a little bit of retail therapy, and all of a sudden from a truck in front of me on the highway, a large piece of metal comes flying towards my car...i veered right sharply to miss the full impact, as the projectile ripped the side walls off my two left tires. they of course were immediately flat, and my initial reaction after the adrenalin kicked in was anger; anger in the fact the trailer had no license plate, i now had 2 flat tires, and was left on the side of the road alone...i managed to steer slowly to the parking lot of a CVS pharmacy, where i searched a telephone book for a tow truck...now mind you, this was labor day weekend and no one was open. i finally got in touch with jerry's wreckers, jerry told me to call this other guy john at the tire store and he would come get me; john was gone, so i called jerry back, after 4 other contacts he told me to try (none being available at 4:45 on saturday) he reluctantly gave in and came to get me and tow my car to the only open tire store...the silver lining you ask? well, first i wondered why i was so angry, they're just tires after all; and second i wondered how the Lord could possible use such a situation for any good..so i prayed just exactly that - Lord how can any good possibly come of this?

it turns out that the young man, josh, that fixed my tires, was new to the area, and was searching, for purpose, direction and destiny... josh is the age of my step sons, 19, mature, graduated in the top 10 of his class, hardworking, and just needing a push in the right direction; I talked to him for a long while and he got his number to call him again, to help him connect with some other young men that can be a strength in his life...and for one older man in particular that can truly counsel him in the vocational dreams he has...

it also turns out that my insurance covers towing - imagine that...all the anger that could have been misdirected over two lousy tires was steered to His glory by a simple prayer...
so i ask again, is prayer your steering wheel today, or just your spare tire? do you take your needs to the Lord first, or is it only your last resort?

caution tape...

i'm thinking this rant for lack of a better word today is going to be much more appreciated by the female friends in my life, but hey, maybe some of you guys can learn a thing or two...
two or three days a month it seems that i am overtaken by an alternate being - one without rational thought or emotional balance of any sort, and certainly lacking in any sort of tact, filter for the mouth or patience for those driving less than the speed limit in the fast lane;
i think however that someone in the vast universe should have written down all those "unwritten" rules that women should and should not do those two or three days...at the top of that list should be "never get your hair cut when under the influence of PMS". first, you are already delusional enough to take with you that photo of the perfect hair of meg ryan or halle berrie and assume that you will come out transformed to their very likeness, and not just their hair and second you will always regret that impulsive trendy style at least for the next 6 weeks...
next on the list would be car maintenance; now to all that know me, i can change my own oil, tires, spark plugs, and will attempt just about anything else, but there must be some subliminal sign that we emit that says "hey, i'm a woman and i know nothing about cars, please overcharge me now." my simple wiring issue has now become my sole desire to trade in my car for a new one just so i don't have to hear the words "new transmission".
third on the list, and these really are in no particular order, as they can randomly occur at any time, is realize the words coming out of my mouth have no real meaning or substance whatsoever, and in reality, if you were really in tune and listening, you would actually know i probably mean the exact opposite...
they should make this caution tape like they have at construction sites or better yet crime scenes that we can wrap around ourselves for that brief period of time, and take down when all things are clear...
with that said, i'm going to get some m&m's and popcorn...yes and eat them together!!!

friend...

"Who am I that You are mindful of me? That you hear me, when I call? Is it true that you are thinking of me? How you love me, It's amazing - I am a friend of God...You have called me friend..."
These lyrics have been playing in my heart the last few days, over and over, on several occasions I've begun humming or singing the words..It is truly amazing, that I am a friend of God; it's truly amazing on days when I should be friendless, I have a friend that will never leave or forsake me, who sticks closer than a brother...
when i was a child i was never one of those girls that had scads of girlfriends, i actually despised the cliques but i guess in some deep way envied them. I had a few select true girlfriends here and there, but mainly a loner of my own design; I never understood the importance of someone you could pour your heart out to without fear of shame; as i get older i cherish the friends God gives me, if even for a short season, I seek for meaning in their connection; I long for their encouragement and wisdom and advice...for me to even admit that I need a friend was a huge step a few years back; when you build walls around your heart to keep out the hurts you also don't realize that those same walls that you build to guard you also imprison you...when i grew up things "weren't discussed" and everything was "always fine" - it's taken so long to know that denial is not normal, denial is just that, denial...
there is still a level that i guard, i think we all have to guard our hearts as a matter of principle, but it's coming to the the realization that the place of being vulnerable is the only route to greater freedom and strength - almost ironic really.
none of us can ever meet all the needs of another person - we weren't designed for that, and that is my greatest fault at my core...searching for that "man" to make it all better - that person to take care of me, do it for me, answer the questions for me - not a "man" in the literal sense of the word, but another human being that will provide the fulfillment for the longing in my heart...that's a lot to ask of someone, draining really, that's why only the Lord can be that someone, he knows the voids, the wounds, the vacancies - He alone knows how to fill them; so why then do I still turn to "man," is it easier? maybe in the soulish immediate sense...
in 1 Timothy 1:15-16 it's easy to identify with Paul, being a great leader yet still seeing himself as the greatest sinner of them all...we all look back with regrets, we all have mistakes that haunt us in some way or another, but, just as Paul never saw himself as a perfect Christian, only a person who needed and received mercy from God, we all must depend on God. it's hard to face your flaws, and painful to look at them, but it is never hopeless because the sins you've committed are not beyond God's forgiveness, His great love and His acceptance of you not based on your efforts.
I am a friend of God, HE called me friend - and that I am truly amazed!!