I'm not Leah...and that's OK...

i go through the periods of reflection, i guess we all do, it's part of the growth process...seeing where we are, where we've been, where we'd like to be...this time i've really been asking the Lord to possess character like this person's kindness, or this person's wisdom...i think we all have this image in our mind of who or what we think we should be like and when we see in demonstrated in someone else we think "if i only could be like that!" Maybe it's just me (don't think so but maybe...) i think my picture has changed over the years, i still am envious of those women that seem to spew Godly gentleness and kindness with their every word, that when they open their mouths you know greatness is getting ready to happen...i think that picture always had this part that said "you are going to be somebody" you know, someone significant...

as i was reading an article of a interior decorator that i admire, i remember saying in my heart, "Lord i want to have her life, to be just like her..." and as clear as you are hearing these words from me, the Lord spoke to my heart and said "You will never be 'just like her' because I have made you 'just like you'. Not that your are any lesser than her, or greater than her...just different than her." The things you have done and experienced and have lived I have specifically designed for you, she couldn't do what you have done, you couldn't do what she has done...it's that simple...take joy in knowing I admire you for exactly who and what you are and enjoy transforming and changing you into my image and walking with you in your perfect will...

no matter how insignificant i think my life may be, i guess i have become significant, in God's plan...so I praise God for my bluntness and ask Him to sprinkle it with kindness, and I praise God for my inability to say the right thing all the time and ask Him for His grace when i truly need His words, and I praise God for making me, me...and ask that He continues to change me to all that He wants me to be...


I still admire Leah's talent, and when she speaks how her words flow of God's love and sweetness, and, oh, i really like her haircut...but I'm Ok to NOT have her life, because God has given me mine...and even though at times it seems small, and insignificant to me...He doesn't see it that way...

feed me...

I heard this story today and thought it was an amazing illustration on selfishness. It was taught in the context of marriage, but you will see how it can be applied in all areas of selfishness in our lives:

"It was a story I had heard years ago about the difference between heaven and hell. I really liked it and had used it for years. It isn't a biblically accurate story, but that's not the point. It is accurate related to human behavior and how our attitudes affect our happiness in life and in marriage. Here it is.
In heaven and in hell there is a banquet table where people are seated and before them is a great feast. A strange dilemma both in heaven and in hell is the way they must eat. In both places every person has eating utensils strapped to their hands that they cannot take off. Also, the utensils are too long for them to feed themselves. There is no way they could scoop food and return it to their own mouths.
In heaven, the people find the solution easily. With joy, they just feed each other and have a great time of fellowship as they serve one another and enjoy the feast that heaven offers. Hell is much different. The people in hell are so selfish that they would rather starve to death than help someone else. Therefore, even though they have the same food available, they never experience it because they refuse to serve each other.
Like I said before, it isn’t an accurate account of what the Bible says and most likely it will never happen. It is however, a very accurate picture of the difference between good and bad marriages. The primary difference in many cases between success or failure in marriage is simply whether you are motivated by selfishness or a servant attitude.

Just like in the story, we can’t meet our own needs. We are helpless to give ourselves the things that only our spouse can give. Also, just like in the story, a banquet is set before us in marriage. Both of us bring to the marriage amazing giftings, abilities and traits that can nourish and bless our spouses. However, they can only be experienced if we focus on each other and are willing to serve and give.
I remember back to our marriage in the "hell" days when I was too selfish to meet Karen’s needs or focus on her. We lived in an emotional wilderness where both of us were miserable. I resented Karen for not meeting my needs and she felt the same way about me. Karen was better than me though, because she was the first one willing to feed me even if I wouldn’t feed her.
I also remember when our season in hell ended and the "heaven" years began approximately thirty years ago. I saw the light and repented for my selfishness. Since then Karen and I have been committed to serving each other and meeting each others needs. Our marriage has been blessed ever since and has grown in passion and intimacy."

are you willing to "feed others" around you?