november...

i have been here in Jax. for 8 weeks now, probably the most challenging and emotional of my life...since last writing dad has taken a turn for the worse in the dementia realm, much better almost healed in the foot infection side though....
i have rented our house to a nice Christian couple for 2 years, Bills are still covered, mom is very well. I continue to Praise God daily for ordering our steps and blessing us as we honor my mom and dad. God is so faithful in taking care of every little thing as He promised me from the day I arrived - I just have to let Him and stop getting so stressed so easily when things seem so overwhelming...

Moving stuff out of mom & dad's has been a struggle, the stuff just keeps multiplying...and the time is limited. this weekend to moving all the stuff from GA to a temporary storage unit while we are getting the carpet done, etc...
In my mind I've redesigned the entire home...it's going to take a while to get there though.

Emotionally I've been on a roller coaster, dad good one minute, crazy the next....it's hard, sad and at times I pray to Jesus to release him, take hin into His loving arms and go peacefully to heaven in his sleep....I know I'm horrible to think that, I just don't want him to lose all his faculties before he goes...I just want him to be at peace and out of pain...

I love my dad but admit am scared to care for him and mom together. Mom is pretty easy, very set routine and predictable...dad, well today not so much... today he spent his time on a ship, on the deck where he was told to take his post, as well as getting verbally abusive and agitated to almost everyone he came in contact with...we are seeking an additional psych consult, trying to find some happy medium in his treatment...i pray each day for wisdom and more wisdom and strength from somewhere I know I don't seem to possess, at least emotionally...

I love you dad, I pray for peace and a sound mind...

october...

i thought since i barely made it with the september post that i should try to get the october one in, well, in october...
so where do i begin...the decision to move to my parents has been an easy one and a hard one. At my age, giving up the white picket fence american dream may seem crazy, and stressful but i know the choice is the right one. My mom came home a day and a half after being at the nursing home, i cried the whole way home after leaving here there knowing that it just wasn't what was best for her. she is relieved. i am too.
dad's foot continues to improve and his physical therapy is going well. there have been some other issues as far as crazy talking and some periods of disorientation that we're not sure is just old age or a side effect of blood sugar being not quite under control...
i've done several things i've never thought i would have to, visited a funeral home to get all the info on their gravesites, right next to grandma and grandpa...done a budget for my parents and started to sell most of my possessions to make room in their home...
i have planned in my head the remodel that i hope will one day happen...we'll see, for now it's the endless battle of packing all the stuff still upstairs and take part to goodwill, the rest to Abbie's for the eventual yard sale.
God has provided even down to the boxes needed for packing and daily i do enjoy a great quiet time with Him, it's my only sanity really...He has promised that all will be taken care of and I trust Him fully, although it's still so hard for me to not try and figure it all out and plan how it will work...God has covered the initial hospital bill of $118,000 and all we owe is $1024 - Praise God, and I know He will continue. Homeowner's insurance has been reviewed and lowered, taxes are going down, the Discover bill is paid and all is provided each and every day.
As I prayed last night God continued to remind me that He will work it all out...I'm just ready for ther house to be sold or rented in GA...

and though i feel small and insignificant, I know if "I honor my parents it will go well with me" now if the patience part of me will just kick in that would be great...
I love you Lord, thank you for all you have done and all you are continuing to do...

September...

most of September has been a blur to me, especially since it's now October 7th and I'm just saying that...on September 16th my sister called me in tears saying dad has to go into the hospital and she needs help taking care of mom. i understood and made some adjustments at work thinking I'd be home in a few days...

well the news came dad would need to be hospitalized 4-6 weeks, and my perspective quickly changed to part fear, part panic, part what am i going to do? mom needs full time care as most of you know from her stroke and for anyone that has been a caregiver full time my heart goes out to you - it's exhausting...compare it to a 120 pound 3 month old - she can't walk, talk, or do those other things by herself...she is however in good health, just impaired physically...

after about 10 days of this my sister and i thought that a nursing facility may be our best option so we researched and found a Christian facility that seemed to be perfect...we told mom, it was horrible...but we took her anyway. on Friday October 3rd...i left the facility physically sick, knowing we had made the worst decision ever and on that Friday nite as I was driving home feeling selfish, and like i had abandoned my own mother, i called Abbie in tears and she agreed it was the wrong choice. I told her to find out what we have to do to discharge her and i would be back Sunday to stay at home with her...

i will be moving in the next few weeks progressively to Jacksonville, to the home i grew up in. Downsizing myself, selling off a bunch of what we won't need for a season and moving into the upstairs of their home till...

it's a huge transition, my boss in GA is wonderfully letting me stay on and work remotely, and i am believing for the peacefulness of the situation, dad to continue to heal quickly and all other things to fall into place, especially for John to find a job he loves and enjoys and is financially rewarding as well, and for our home in Douglas to rent or sell quickly.

i look forward to the prospect of being finally out of debt, although i would have never dreamed it would come like this...

gotta love hurricanes...

growing up in Florida you get use to a hurricane or two now and then...and the traditional clean up the yard after the hurricane...well Fay hit about two weeks ago, and decided to hang out over North Florida and South Georgia for about a week dumping record rains...don't get me wrong we needed the rain but the after clean up has been not so fun...
Drove down Saturday morning to mom & dad's who have a HUGE yard on the river in Florida, and luckily for us it rained the entire time we were suppose to be cleaning up. we all voted to wait till hurricane season was over and do one big cleanup...
but that's not the best part, the last couple times I've been down I've felt I really needed to talk to mom and find out for sure that she had accepted Christ. mom is 76, and actually I've had the great opportunity to pray with my grandfather, grandmother and now mom to make sure they are certain of their relationship with Jesus. I asked mom if she remembered what i talked about at grandma's funeral, when I shared of how I got to pray with my grandmother. she nodded yes (mom can't talk much since her stroke) and I asked her if she wanted to do that - ask Jesus in her heart. She nodded yes again, and so we said a quick prayer and now like with grandma, and grandpa I know for sure...
i love hurricanes...

namesake...

i LOVE this photo - it's my grandma Estelle and

my grandpa Jimmie...this is who i was named after,well part of the name - Maria is from my dad's mom but i never got to meet her, she passed before i was born, then of course my grandma Estelle, my mom's mom...

they were married 66 years before grandpa passed away, and just about 10 years later grandma Estelle passed away at 95...

i miss them both but what a great legacy they left behind...

complete...

the theme this weekend from church to home group to my own reading today was on love and salvation and how complete a salvation we have...complete...i think it's easy to apply God's salvation in some areas but mentally think "oh it doesn't include this or that" because our own perception is somehow limited...

in my reading today there was this statement:
"God knows the frailties of our character. The human heart is a fickle thing; it caves in to the voices of this world and the compulsions of our flesh. But it is redeemable, utterly redeemable. 'He is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.' Hebrews 7:25
Have we forgotten the call of the holy God? He understands our imperfections, but He calls us above them. The pure in heart - the steadfast, passionate, faithful lovers of the Savior - are a work in progress. But it is a relentless work. Our direction never changes. God will always show more of Him to those blessed enough to crave purity."

class pictures...

the thought of elementary school comes around when i have to get photos taken..i never liked picture day, have no idea why, just one of those things...still don't...but here's the latest "class picture", please stop laughing, really...

taylor's closet...

i love this idea!

Often times, when children come in to foster care, they are taken away from their homes and families with literally no notice and only the clothes or pajamas they are wearing at the time. It's usually a very scary thing for a kid to deal with.

Taylor 's Closet exists to bless less fortunate girls with awesome clothes. We just want to give them something to be happy about and share the love of Christ with them in the process.

In Matthew 25:36 Jesus directs us to care for those who are having a tough time.





"I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me."

want to do more or be a part? www.taylorscloset.org

wordle - how cool is this?

make your own: http://wordle.net/

Have you ever been at one of those big opening night events – where all the important people walk the red carpet on the other side of that red velvet rope? Well let’s imagine that you have a red velvet rope for your life? Who are you going to let inside? What “friends” do you really want to spend your time with? What relatives do you want to allow inside your red velvet rope? If you have a business, what customers will you select?

Don’t just think this is being self-centered or egotistical. If you have no red velvet rope you will find that your life will be taken over by people and activities that may not be in your best interests. In working with a young lady just recently released from prison, she is seeing that her old friends and hang-outs set her up for the same self-defeating behaviors that led her to prison. She needs to break those connections, hold her red velvet rope up high and decide who gets in.
This is just like setting and living by your own goals – if you haven’t identified your goals, I can assure you you’re living out someone else’s goals for your life. If you don’t have a red velvet rope, you’ll have customers stealing your valuable time, family members who just want to pull you down to their level, friends who don’t embrace your desires for a higher level of success, and activities that waste your highest areas of contribution.

So define who and what you will allow inside your red velvet rope:

What kind of people do you enjoy being around?
What goals do they have for their own lives?
How are they enriching the lives of other people or making the world a better place?
Are they happy, creative and optimistic?
What activities do you find energizing and invigorating?
What kind of environment brings out your best talents and makes you feel purposeful and fulfilled?

Now what people and activities will get past the red velvet rope that protects you?

You might just be amazed at the increase you will see in peace, productivity and profits.
Remember the Aesop fable about The Man, The Boy and The Donkey?

Trying to please everyone is futile. Even Jesus said Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you! (Luke 6:26) Use your red velvet rope to weed out the undesirable parts of your life.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. Bill Cosby

the kitchen!

ok, i have to brag on myself since i am so proud i did this all by myself (well almost, thanks michelle the tile guru for teaching me to tile!) but the rest, the painting, chair covering, valance, painting, and more painting, and the wall art are all me!!!

the photos are a little dark, i still haven't mastered this new camera, but the walls are a very warm latte brown and a calming robin's egg blue, and the tile is stone - the iron dining chairs i did in blue fabric that has a little brown and cream in it and the valance is a perfect stripe with an awesome fun trim - most importantly, it's all done!!!

the kitchen and dining area are all connected so you can see below this is the dining area with that cool wall art i mentioned before where i put all the antique ceiling tiles! it's so beautiful (if i do say so myself, and i do!!!) above the cabinets is my collection of aqua and white antique mccoy pottery and other antiques - i love it!

look what i did!

yesterday and today i tiled a new travertine backsplash in my kitchen - i can't believe how beautiful it turned out! i know the photos aren't the greatest but i will post some more later with my "good" camera...
all that i have left is to paint, and to hang the cool antique ceiling tiles on the wall and oh yeah, sew the new valance for the bay window....hmmm, and i thought i was making progress...

home...

there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed after a wonderful trip to visit friends and family! I think I officially exhausted my annual need for "retail therapy" (ok, maybe not my annual need, but at least a month or so!) and made some great finds at the flea market. I got some great antique ceiling tins to use in my kitchen as wall art, that was my major find for the week, others were smaller more luxury for myself items that were just nice little finds too...
i realized how much i miss nashville and i think my goal is to be back there some day, but for now i am content knowing my "family" is always there to pick up right where i left off whenever that time finally comes...
i love you michelle, cece, patty, lisa, ridley & lisa, deb, and the new friends i met while i was there...thanks for making my vacation a memorable one!

our jobs...

while i do have to say this doesn't currently apply to my job, i did think a lot about "calling" an my calling while on vacation...

read and enjoy:

Abused Wife Syndrome
No, this is not really about abused wives. But I had a client use that phrase recently in describing his repeated return to the work of his professional training (yes, another dentist). In his mind, there was a strikingly similar pattern. He would break away for something more rewarding, experience a challenge or setback, and return to the work he despised yet knowing it was where he could make the most predictable income.
Last night Joanne and I went to see the new Steve Carell movie, Get Smart. In one poignant scene Anne Hathaway is afraid she is going to get sent back to a desk job, rather than being a field agent. She moans and says, Yes, I can imagine that, just like I can imagine scraping a cheese grater across my forehead.
Do you do your work only because of the paycheck you get? Do you long to leave for something more enjoyable? Have you tried another path only to return to what is more familiar? Unfortunately, wives, dogs, and children often get trapped in these patterns of going back to negative and abusive situations. The emotions and self-esteem issues there may be complicated and confusing. However, the stakes are dramatically lessened in a “job.” A job should not be the definition of “who” or “what” you are. You can leave today and not change the overall purpose or direction of your life. Your “Calling” is a much larger concept than what you do daily to create income. No divorce is needed to walk away and into a more fulfilling and rewarding type of work.
And you can leave the cheese grater in the cupboard.

NASHVILLE!

today is the final countdown to my long awaited vacation - while some of my travel plans have changed, my home, at least the home where i left my heart is just a mere 24 hours away - Nashville!
Michelle and I have Friday and Saturday planned and large amounts of retail therapy is involved, then Sunday I know I'm going to my old church, seeing Cece and the kids and after that sky's the limit!
i'm so looking forward to seeing the old gang, and one of my favorite old haunts, yes starbucks! - and just for some shopping and relaxing and a new adventure for a few days!

care...

in this world you are an orphan -
eagerly anticipating your adoption as God's child.
in this world you are a widow -
longing for reunion with your Bridegroom.
in this world you are a stranger -
a pilgrim waiting to become a citizen of heaven.

and in this world, God has called you to care for the
orphan, the stranger, and the widow...

my heart goes out to the now widows, and orphans and
strangers in myranmar...

meet Sophie!

Meet Sophie! I could say she's one of the reasons I haven't blogged in a while, and in fact she is partly but I can't place all the blame on her that's for sure! Guess I just haven't had much to say or share! Sophie joined my family on March 28th, and she is absolutely precious! She is about 75% wolf and 25% husky and has the sweetest temperment! Granted, she is still a puppy, with all the running, biting and chewing, but she has already mastered sitting, lying down and the all important high five! (we're still working on stay - that's tough when you have so much energy!) She also actually will bring the ball back when I throw it so I think that is marvelous for her age - she just turned 14 weeks yesterday!

The photo on the right was the day I brought her home -wow, she has really grown - she has almost doubled in size in just a month! We're off for our nightly walk - I have definitely found that helps her (and me!) sleep much better!

ESTJ...

>"The Guardian"
As an ESTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESTJs live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts.

ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards. But at least their expressions can be taken at face-value, because the ESTJ is extremely straight-forward and honest.

The ESTJ is usually a model citizen, and pillar of the community. He or she takes their commitments seriously, and follows their own standards of "good citizenship" to the letter. ESTJ enjoys interacting with people, and likes to have fun. ESTJs can be very boisterous and fun at social events, especially activities which are focused on the family, community, or work.

The ESTJ needs to watch out for the tendency to be too rigid, and to become overly detail-oriented. Since they put a lot of weight in their own beliefs, it's important that they remember to value other people's input and opinions. If they neglect their Feeling side, they may have a problem with fulfilling other's needs for intimacy, and may unknowingly hurt people's feelings by applying logic and reason to situations which demand more emotional sensitivity.

When bogged down by stress, an ESTJ often feels isolated from others. They feel as if they are misunderstood and undervalued, and that their efforts are taken for granted. Although normally the ESTJ is very verbal and doesn't have any problem expressing themself, when under stress they have a hard time putting their feelings into words and communicating them to others.

ESTJs value security and social order above all else, and feel obligated to do all that they can to enhance and promote these goals. They will mow the lawn, vote, join the PTA, attend home owners association meetings, and generally do anything that they can to promote personal and social security.

The ESTJ puts forth a lot of effort in almost everything that they do. They will do everything that they think should be done in their job, marriage, and community with a good amount of energy. He or she is conscientious, practical, realistic, and dependable. While the ESTJ will dutifully do everything that is important to work towards a particular cause or goal, they might not naturally see or value the importance of goals which are outside of their practical scope. However, if the ESTJ is able to see the relevance of such goals to practical concerns, you can bet that they'll put every effort into understanding them and incorporating them into their quest for clarity and security.

According to Wikipedia:

ESTJs are practical, realistic, and matter-of-fact, with a natural head for business or mechanics. Though they are not interested in subjects they see no use for, they can apply themselves when necessary. They like to organize and run activities. ESTJs make good administrators, especially if they remember to consider others' feelings and points of view, which they often miss.

According to Keirsey:

ESTJs, or "Supervisor Guardians", are civic-minded individuals who dedicate themselves to maintaining the institutions behind a smooth-running society. They are defenders of the status quo and strong believers in rules and procedures. ESTJs are outgoing and do not hesitate to communicate their opinions and expectations to others.

invisible...

no i haven't forgotten that i have a blog, it's just that things, life and other pressing issues seem to have taken over the priority of blogging and well, despite my best attemps to pour my soul out to the both of you that read this, ok, maybe one of you, it just hasn't happened...



a lot has happened though, since the forementioned funeral and trip with my dad a lot has been going on with me...i was driving to jacksonville yesterday for my mom's birthday and i had this thought while listening to a Point of Grace song, don't remember which one but this thought just came to me and i've mulled it over before, even in a much earlier blog - anyway the thought is "why do some people just 'get it' when in comes to Christianity and the unconditional love and acceptance that comes from Christ and others just seem to halfheartedly bask in it's reality?"



while at lunch my friend made this comment about the sermon from that day - it was on Samson and how out of all the people in the Bible that came from miraculous births, that he was the only one that truly did not live up to his own potential due to his own double-mindedness. a light went off way back in my thoughts, i wonder if that is it, is that truly the key to 'getting it'? Is it our own double-mindedness that prevents us from that greater reality, and our own greater potential? I've struggled myself recently in what i "used to be" and what my life "should be at this point". Am i the reason that it's not what i deem it worth of being? am I my own enemy in this area? when it boils down to it have i chosen to be invisible because it's less painful, less challenging, less... i dare say i don't have an answer to that yet, but i do think it's part of the answer. as Christians we inherently have that same potential in us, we have all been given the same Spirit, and in that logic it is what we choose to do with what Christ has designed us for...why do we not choose to follow Him? why do we choose complacency, and to reside in self pity? why do we choose to glory in what 'we use to do or be' when He is calling us to a greater glory than we can ever find for ourselves?

more later...

to everything there is a season...

well 2008 has started out much differently than I imagined it would...

just a few short days into the year my Uncle Carl passed away - this was my dad's youngest living brother (my dad is the 2nd oldest of 4 brothers, Ernie, Brahm, Carl and James...the two youngest now deceased.) i traveled with dad to Grand Rapids, MI for the memorial and funeral; it was great to reconnect with cousins and other family i hadn't seen in years but even more enjoyable was the opportunity to celebrate the life and faith of a great father, brother, uncle, soldier, grandfather and friend. it was easy to see his legacy of Christ, love and laughter in his 5 kids, and his "9 and a half " grand kids...

i also had the unique opportunity to fly with my dad - an ex-fighter pilot and learned things i never knew before, like did you know what those stripes on a runway are for? i do now!!!
my dad is 80 and it was humorous when he asked his older brother if things had changed much in downtown (Grand Rapids) since he had moved away in 1949! well they had and it was a fun tour to say the least!

i also learned that dad's side of the family is a talented and successful group of people, with great hearts, a passion for the outdoors, and just good people! (not that i didn't know that before, but it was nice to see us cousins all turned out pretty good!)

i salute you Uncle Carl Lewis Malkewitz, you were truly one of a kind and will be dearly missed!

purpose...

"...everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him"
colossians 1:16 (the message bible)